Houston Liscensed Professional Counselor - Renee Lederman

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Four Questions about Love Addiction You Were Afraid to Ask (But Shouldn’t Be)

For most of us, the initial buzz of ‘falling’ in love is a wondrous, exciting part of a new relationship that eventually mellows with time, and hopefully, forms the necessary foundation for a long-term partnership. However, for some, the thrill of ‘falling’ in love isn’t just a phase—it’s actually the relationship. And for those suffering from love addiction, the benefits of getting past love’s initial thrill: trust, security, and familiarity, are often viewed as anything but desirable.  In fact, many love addicts suffer from a sensation of being unlovable, or unworthy of love, which leads them to constantly chase one relationship after another, and look to their partners to make them happy and solve their problems.

As a licensed professional counselor, I’ve helped many patients recognize and overcome the pain and loneliness of love addiction, and learn how to accept and embrace real love, both of themselves and from their partners. But I know it can be a difficult behavior to face, and many people feel unsure of where to start, or even what love addiction actually is.  Here, a look at the top questions I get asked about love addiction:

  1. What is love addiction? Put simply, love addiction is the psychological addiction to being in love with love. Often the result of abuse/neglect during childhood, love addicts use the thrill of ‘falling in love’ to soothe uncomfortable feelings stemming from this childhood neglect, which sadly, often leave addicts feeling unworthy or unloveable.

  2. How do I know if I am a love addict? To truly understand this condition and determine if you are a love addict, you need to speak with a licensed counselor who is trained to understand this condition and its treatments. However, there are a few traits which love addicts tend to share. Often, love addicts find that they have trouble forming long-term relationships or bonds with people because it’s the excitement, or sizzle, of ‘falling’ in love that they seek, and not the security…and familiarity of a long-term relationship. Do you find yourself feeling disassociated, anxious, or uninterested in your relationships after a few weeks or months? Do you think all your relationship woes and issues will dissipate if you can just find your ‘one true love’? If yes, it may be time to speak with someone who specializes in love addiction and can help you understand these impulses, and how to change them.

  3. Does being addicted to love mean I won’t ever be able to enjoy a long term relationship? No! Being diagnosed with love addiction in no way means your chance of finding (and sustaining) a long-term, trusting relationship is over. It simply means you, like many, many people, have pain from your past that needs resolution. If you are committed to doing the hard work of overcoming trauma, it is possible to unlearn old patterns and create a joyful new experience of love for yourself. The first step if finding the right care.

  4. How can I recover from love addiction? To truly recover from love addiction, you need to first understand how destructive your behavior is, but more importantly, you need to work with someone qualified and trained to help you recognize and resolve the many issues that are feeding your addiction: a licensed professional counselor.  I am a licensed and trained counselor with over 20 years’ experience helping people overcome obstacles and enjoy stronger, healthier loving relationships.  I can help you learn to stop feeling desperate for love, and instead, take and receive love in a healthy, lasting way.

Love shouldn’t be an addiction; it should be one of the most exciting times in your life.  With my guidance, together we can work through the past trauma and experiences keeping you from experiencing the true joys of a loving relationship: happiness, security, trust, and stability.  You are worth love, and you deserve all the wonders love can bring. Take the first step with a complimentary consultation today and together, we will help you move forward with confidence and courage.

Renee Lederman