Author: <span>rlederman</span>

Family Counseling Individual Therapy • • By rlederman 0 Comments

Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma Through Therapy

Sometimes, the legacy of trauma is unintentionally passed down from generation to generation through unconsciously given cues or the many mechanisms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Although this type of generational trauma can occur on a societal scale, it typically presents itself first and foremost in the family dynamic, as adults pass trauma on to their children. With the help of a licensed professional counselor like Renee Lederman, however, you may be able to break the family trauma cycle with therapy.

What Is Generational Trauma?

One of the most commonly seen forms of generational trauma is survivor syndrome, a term which describes the behavior of people who have lived through adverse situations, such as domestic and family violence. Those afflicted with survivor syndrome typically isolate themselves from society due to a perceived guilt of having survived a traumatic experience while many people, such as friends and family, did not. If you are suffering from symptoms such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, nightmares, or mood swings, you may be experiencing survivor syndrome. Although this is one of the most common factors leading to generational trauma, it is by no means the only way trauma can be passed on.

How Is Generational Trauma Handed Down?

Generational trauma can loosely be defined as an event that occurred years prior to the current generation, yet still impacts the ways in which families understand, cope with, and heal from trauma. In a family dynamic, generational trauma can be handed down through harmful behaviors such as psychological or physical abuse or dysfunctional coping mechanisms and can negatively impact every member of a household through:

  • Unresolved thoughts or emotions
  • Negative behavior patterns
  • Substance abuse
  • Disassociation / poor family relationships

How Can I Identify The Trauma Cycle?

Although it is anything but simple, working through generational trauma begins with three major steps.

  • Identify the Source. Generational trauma almost always begins with a loss of safety, whether it be physically, emotionally, or financially. It’s important to trace the generational trauma back to where it stems from, as this information can help your therapist–and you–better understand where the symptoms are coming from.
  • Analyze the loss. By understanding why you feel that sense of loss, you can better define your emotions and figure out why you feel them. This can help identify potential changes you can make in the final step.
  • Focus on creating a future. This should involve far-reaching changes and be far removed from the way the passed down trauma makes you feel. Understand that the chaos can end with you, if you are willing to take risks and make the needed changes to your life.

Of course, you don’t have to go through this process alone. Opening up about these issues and talking through them with a therapist or professional counselor is an important first step toward breaking the cycle of generational trauma instead of handing it down to future generations.

How Can Therapy Help End The Cycle Of Trauma?

Once you are ready to work through your generational trauma with a therapist or professional counselor, they can help you identify the trauma’s source, as well as analyze it for a way to begin breaking the cycle. Some of the things you can expect to learn from therapy include:

  • Empowering yourself to release shame, fear, and guilt from your life
  • Fostering positive traits like courage, confidence, and self-love
  • Promoting healthy relationships and connections with friends and family

Ready To Break The Cycle Of Generational Trauma?

If you’re ready to begin the process toward breaking free from generational trauma, a licensed professional counselor can help. With over 20 years of experience, Renee Lederman has been helping individuals overcome trauma so that they can be their best self. Call 832-969-3885 to schedule your appointment, or visit her website for more information about how she can help you overcome your generational trauma.

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Woman Learning How To Manage Daily Stress
Individual Therapy Self Improvement Tips • • By rlederman 0 Comments

Daily Stress Management 

Many of us have busy lives, and it can seem overwhelming at times when there’s too much on your plate. Whether you’re dealing with complications in the workplace or even at home, too much daily stress is a serious health risk that many people take for granted. Whether you’re feeling fatigued, anxious, irritable, overwhelmed or afraid, your body is trying to tell you that something just isn’t right. Learning how to manage daily stress can improve your health and overall happiness. 

What Causes Stress?

There are a multitude of reasons you might feel stress, such as working long hours or a major life event. Other things, such as financial concerns, relationships, and illnesses in your friends or family can all add to your level of stress. One of the biggest causes of stress on a day to day basis, however, is change. Even positive changes, such as an advancement in your career or a new marriage, can put extra stress on the body.

What Are The Symptoms Of Stress?

While many of the changes in your body that stress might cause aren’t easily recognizable, there are several symptoms you may notice when you’re feeling stressed, such as depression, an upset stomach, a loss of appetite, headaches, migraines, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, back pain, a stiff neck, or trouble breathing. You know your body better than anyone, and any of these could be a warning sign that you’re experience stress.

What Are The Risks And Complications Stress May Cause?

While uncontrolled stress can affect aspects of your mind, such as your memory and your ability to concentrate, it can also threaten your physical health. Complications of unmanaged stress include an increased risk of diabetes, heart attacks, a rise in blood pressure, and a weakened immune system.

Stress Reduction Techniques?

While talking to a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) such as Renee Lederman can help you gain back a sense of control over your life, there are also several ways you can help manage your daily stress:

Change Up Your Diet 

Stress can change what and when you eat. Eating a well-rounded diet at regular intervals throughout the day gives your body the energy it needs. Staying hydrated and drinking enough water is another important step towards keeping your body happy and healthy.

Get Enough Sleep 

While it might seem difficult to nod off when you’re worried about the day you had or what’s in store tomorrow, it’s important to give your body the time it needs to repair itself.

Exercise

Workouts aren’t only for improving yourself physically; they can also help emotionally by discharging any excess tension, boosting your own self-image, and releasing endorphins (feel-good chemicals) to your brain and nervous system.

Organize

Conquering the smaller challenges in your life—such as cleaning your workspace or breaking down a large project into more manageable tasks—can help you feel like you’re in control again.

Meditate

There are many different styles of meditation that appeal to a wide variety of people. Some examples you might try include taking deep, calm slow breaths to improve oxygen flow to the brain, stretching your body through the use of yoga poses, or repeating specific motions, such as tightening and relaxing your muscles, to help relieve stress. 

Be Prepared 

Plan ahead for situations you know might make you uncomfortable. Laying out your wardrobe the night before a meeting or job interview saves time and worry the next morning.

Enjoy Life

Allow yourself to be social and have fun by getting involved in activities you enjoy, such as sports leagues, social outings, or events in your town or city.

Ready to get started on the road to less stress?

Have you tried the tips above and still feel like you need some additional help? If you’re ready to begin your journey towards managing your daily stress with a licensed professional counselor (LPC), contact Renee Lederman today at 832-969-3885 to schedule your first appointment.

 

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Happy Woman Knowing The Importance Of Self Care
Individual Therapy Self Improvement Tips • • • • • By rlederman 0 Comments

How To Reduce Anxiety Through Self Care

Between jobs, family, and day to day chores, life often gets in the way of self care. Even though taking care of yourself is paramount, it is very easy to let your own needs fall short while taking care of the myriad of things life throws at you. Failing to care for your own well-being, however, may lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety, and can also have a severe impact on your body’s ability to fight off illness and infection. Here are some self care tips to reduce anxiety that you should practice regularly to live a more healthy lifestyle.

6 Types Of Self Care For A Low Stress, Healthy Lifestyle

Emotional Self Care

Allow yourself to experience your feelings so that you may work through them in a healthy manner. You can practice emotional self care by explaining your inner fears to a loved one or by simply being unafraid to allow yourself to show emotion. The stress and anxiety brought on by bottling up feelings inside rather than releasing them in a controlled manner is not only unhealthy for your mental health, but can also lead to physical conditions such as ulcers and heart problems.

Spiritual Self Care

Spiritual self care is about accepting the fact that something in this world is larger than yourself. Although many people might automatically assume spiritual self-care revolves around religion, this is not always the case. The earth is gigantic. The universe is even bigger. Understanding your place in your surroundings will help you center yourself to discover where you belong in respect to everything that surrounds you.

Practical Self Care

Taking care of practical matters means resolving small situations to avoid future stressors. Things such as balancing your checkbook, cleaning out your refrigerator, or tucking money away in savings for a rainy day all count as practical self care. Changing the oil in your car, for example, is a small task that helps you easily avoid future problems that will turn into stressful situations down the road.

Mental Self Care

Engage in activities that stimulate your mind. Solving a puzzle, going to the theater, and reading a book are all forms of mental self care. Learning something new every day is the key to living a positive and productive life. What’s more, frequently stimulating your mind has been shown to offset and even prevent diseases such as dementia and Alzheimer’s.

Physical Self Care

Physical self care doesn’t have to mean working out. It can involve simple things such as eating healthy or staying hydrated on a hot summer day; making small life changes like taking the stairs instead of the elevator; and taking more regular showers and remembering to wash your face before bed. Taking care of yourself physically doesn’t mean you have to treat your body like a temple, but you should strive to feel a sense of pride in your physical well being.

Social Self Care

This may, in fact, be the type of self care that gets ignored the most. It’s altogether too tempting to cancel plans because you feel tired or you don’t think you’ll have fun. Social anxiety and isolation can lead to feeling depressed and alone. But interaction with those important in our lives is a large part of what keeps us healthy both physically and mentally. Lunch with a coworker can do wonders to lift your morale at work. A night out with friends tends to bring a smile that can last for days, if not weeks. Socialization is key to keeping yourself happy with yourself and your surroundings, as well as for enjoying all that life has to offer.

Ready To Take The Next Step Towards A Low Stress Lifestyle?

If you are struggling and would like to learn ways to reduce stress and anxiety, Renee Lederman can help you learn to practice self care. As a licensed professional counselor and life coach based in Houston, Texas, Renee Lederman has helped many people remember how to put themselves first. Contact Renee Lederman, or call (832) 969-3885 to set up an appointment.

For more advice on self care and reducing anxiety, read about the real physical and emotional benefits to regularly showing and feeling gratitude.

 

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Childhood Trauma & Neglect Affect On Adult Relationships
Individual Therapy Self Improvement • • • • • • By rlederman 0 Comments

How Childhood Trauma & Neglect Go On To Affect Adult Relationships

Childhood is the time in our lives when we learn the most about interacting with other people, and how to navigate the complex world of social relationships. The lessons that we learn as children from our caregivers, often have lasting effects that continue to shape the relationships and bonds that we form as adults with our friends, family, and loved ones. As a licensed professional counselor in Houston, TX, Renee Lederman can teach you how to overcome the negative childhood patterns of behavior that are affecting your relationships in adulthood. 

These lessons are not always formal or intentional. During early childhood through adolescence, children develop neural pathways that influence how they form emotional attachments. Traumatic experiences in childhood can change how those neural pathways develop. Children who receive support and validation from caregivers learn how to build solid attachments based on trust and mutual support. Conversely, abuse, neglect, and trauma can make it harder to build lasting relationships as adults.

The exact connection between childhood trauma and adult relationships is not entirely known, and not every person is affected in exactly the same way. However, we can identify certain patterns of behavior in adult relationships, that often have an origin in childhood trauma and neglect.

Children with Healthy Attachments in Childhood 

Adults who experienced mostly positive, healthy attachments during childhood have a solid foundation to build secure attachments as they get older. 

Adults with secure attachment are not afraid of healthy commitment, or of being open emotionally with friends and partners. They usually involve their partner in important life decisions, and are able to communicate their desires, expectations, and fears without difficulty. 

Negative Childhood Patterns Of Behavior

Adults who have formed negative childhood patterns of behavior suffer varying effects in their adult lives and relationships. It varies by personality, severity of neglect or trauma, and most of all by the type of trauma or neglect they suffered in their youth. 

Children who Experience Prolonged Abuse or Neglect 

Children who suffer prolonged abuse or neglect cannot rely on the people that they love most for healthy affection and support. In adulthood, they may fear intimacy and find it difficult to trust the people that they love. Conversely, they often recognize the value of positive relationships and crave the stability that they did not have as a child, but find it difficult to overcome longstanding fears.

Children who Are Ignored 

Children whose needs and wishes are ignored by their parents often react by becoming increasingly independent, and learning to rely on their own skills in order to take care of themselves at an early age. 

As adults, they may continue to prefer independence over commitment, and may struggle to form lasting attachments or to rely on other people for comfort and support. They may avoid saying “I love you,” or end relationships before things become too serious.

Children who Have Inconsistent or Situational Affection

Sometimes caregivers are hot one day and cold the next. Children who experience unreliable or inconsistent affection from the people they rely on may grow up to exhibit anxious-preoccupied attachment.These children are never sure what to expect from their caregivers, and cannot rely on consistent support and affection.

As adults, they often seek out strong connections. They might exhibit “clingy” behavior, or become hyper-vigilant to any slight changes in a relationship that could signal instability. These adults may need more reassurance that they are loved and wanted, in order to feel secure.

Although trauma can make it more difficult to form positive attachments and relationships, we can also work on changing our patterns of behavior. By understanding common factors that impact our relationships, we can identify areas to work on, and overcome any obstacles that might be holding us back. 

Ready Break Negative Patterns From Your Past?

If you’re in Houston and are ready to start your journey to success with an experienced, compassionate therapist and life coach, contact Renee Lederman today or call 832-969-3885 to schedule your first appointment.

 

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setting Boundaries
Individual Therapy Self Improvement • By rlederman 0 Comments

Setting Boundaries

In any relationship, whether personal or professional, setting boundaries is vital. Your relationships will be healthier, and you will have the emotional and psychological space to thrive. Yet setting boundaries is a skill that can be tough to master. Here are some active steps you can take to create healthy boundaries.

Identify Your Boundary Limits

Setting boundaries requires you to do some introspection. How can you build a fence if you don’t know where your property line is? Begin by tuning into your feelings. Notice what situations cause you to feel uncomfortable, stressed, angry, or resentful. Odds are high that your feelings are caused by crossing your limits. Keeping a journal can help you take an objective look at stressful situations and identify which specific limits were crossed.

Know Non Physical And Physical Boundary Violations

There are many types of behavioral boundaries in relationships. It’s vital to understand specific boundary violations as you begin to set and master your boundary limits. This list illustrates  behaviors that are unacceptable. These behaviors and actions should not be tolerated or accepted as okay. Don’t let others cross the line. If they do, politely call it to their attention and let them know you are setting new boundaries and this is unacceptable for you. It may take several times of reminding them you are fully committed to improving your relationship and respect for your boundaries is going to be a necessary part of the process.  

Non Physical Boundary Violations:

  1. By word or deed, indicate that a person is worth less.
  2. Yelling or screaming.
  3. Ridiculing or making fun of.
  4. Lying.
  5. Breaking a commitment for no reason.
  6. Attempting to control or manipulate another person.
  7. Being sarcastic while being intimate. 
  8. Interrupting.
  9. Blaming.

Physical Boundary Violations:

  1. Standing in another’s personal space without his/her permission.
  2. Touching another person without his/her permission.
  3. Getting into a person’s belongings and living space such as one’s purse, wallet, mail and closet without his/her permission.
  4. Listening to a person’s personal conversations or telephone conversations without his/her permission. 
  5. Not allowing a person to have privacy or violating a person’s right to privacy.
  6. Exposing others to contagious illness.
  7. Smoking around nonsmokers in an identified non smoking area.

Be Forthright

Once you know what you can and can’t tolerate, don’t be afraid to tell people. You don’t need to go around announcing every boundary to every person—in fact, when dealing with people who have similar values and personalities to your own, boundary discussions may never come up, as you will likely approach each other in a similar way.

However, even people that you are very close to may have different boundaries than your own. When you notice yourself becoming tense and uncomfortable with someone, start a dialogue. Explain how you are feeling and what your boundary is. Some boundaries require a bit of compromise, as in a romantic relationship where one partner needs lots of space and the other needs lots of closeness, but you should never agree to behavior that is a clear violation of one of your boundaries.

Own Your Boundaries

Many people have trouble enforcing their boundaries due to feelings of guilt, fear, or self-doubt. Especially in your closest relationships, you might worry that you will anger the other person or even feel that setting boundaries means you are not a good partner, son, or daughter. In reality, though, boundaries are a sign of healthy self-respect and generally lead to healthier relationships. If someone becomes upset with your boundaries, it reflects that person’s issues, not yours. Own your boundaries and work hard to preserve them.

Remain Self-Aware

Very few people are naturally good at setting and sticking to boundaries. Now that you know how it feels when your boundaries are crossed, check in with yourself now and then. If you are starting to feel stressed or resentful, you may need to make a new commitment to honoring your boundaries.

Consider Environmental Factors

Your past and present environments play a large role in your ability to set healthy boundaries. If you were the caretaker of your family, you became accustomed to ignoring your own needs in service to others. If you are currently surrounded by psychologically unhealthy people, you may be giving more than you get. If you are in a job that demands a lot of overtime, you might feel pressured to constantly give more and more, regardless of what you need or want.

Combat these environmental drains on your boundaries by prioritizing self-care. As the airplane safety spiel goes, “put on your own oxygen mask first.” You cannot take care of others unless you are healthy and happy yourself. Identify the things that help you relax and put you in a good mood, and make time for them in your schedule. It is far easier to enforce your boundaries, and to navigate complex relationships, when you are in an energetic and peaceful state of mind.

Ask for Help

If you are having trouble with boundaries, find some help. There are numerous books and websites dedicated to the art of setting boundaries. Church groups, life coaches, mental health counselors, and even close friends or relatives can help you learn to set boundaries and hold you accountable for preserving them.

Take Baby Steps

You wouldn’t pick up a violin for the first time and expect to play a concerto. Any new skill requires a great deal of practice. Start with a small, nonthreatening boundary, and reward yourself for enforcing it. Over time, gradually build up to larger and more complex boundaries. With discipline and hard work, you will eventually find that setting and maintaining boundaries becomes second nature.

Ready to Get Started?

If you’re in Houston and are ready to start your journey to better mental and emotional health with an experienced, compassionate therapist, contact Renee Lederman today at 832-969-3885 to schedule your first appointment.

 

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landscape
Group Therapy Life Coaching Self Improvement Time To Thrive • • By rlederman 0 Comments

Why It’s Important to See Beauty Everywhere

What is beauty?

You might think that’s an easy question to answer, but is it really? One thing to remember is that beauty can be subjective. Just because you find something beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean someone else would.

We all have different taste in romantic partners, for example. Just because you find someone unbelievably attractive doesn’t necessarily mean your best friend will too (fingers crossed). Some people think that the first snowfall in winter is stunning; others look at it and see cold and frigid weather. It all depends on who you are and your point of view.

But despite what you naturally find beautiful, I believe that it’s important that you learn how to see beauty everywhere. And believe me, there IS beauty everywhere, even in the unlikeliest of places. You just have to be able to see it. And that doesn’t always require using your eyes!

Seeing Beauty with the Heart

There are many different kinds of beauty. The two you might immediately think of are superficial and inner beauty.

Superficial beauty is what’s on the outside. If you find someone physically attractive, for example, that is entirely superficial. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong, but you can’t base an entire relationship off that. However, when you get to know someone better, you start to see the beauty they have on the inside. That’s what makes for a loving relationship, being able to see the beauty of someone, even into our old ages.

Seeing inner beauty requires us to look, not just with our eyes, but with our hearts.

Not Being Able to See Beauty

Here is something that I find to be a tragedy: We are surrounded by beauty at all times, yet we don’t see it. Imagine going on a vacation to Venice, Italy. Every year, countless tourists go to see the canals and the architecture. It’s objectively a beautiful place, but what does it look like to the people who live there; the people who see these beautiful buildings every day of their lives. Do you think that they’re overwhelmed by the beauty all the time? Of course not! Eventually, they become desensitized to it because they see it every day.

To a lesser degree (depending on where you live), we are all guilty of this behavior. We stop seeing the beauty that is all around us because it is always there. It becomes, for lack of a better word, boring!

I think that it’s so important that we put effort into genuinely appreciating the beauty that surrounds us. You don’t need to be overwhelmed by it, but realize that it is there. By reminding ourselves of how beautiful our homes are, we can train ourselves to find the special in the mundane. And isn’t that just a fantastic definition of what beauty is?

A Beauty Exercise

If you want a reminder that beauty can be everywhere, here is an exercise you can try.

On a nice day, pick a spot outside (preferably not in the sun) and sit down. This could be on a park bench or even the grass in your backyard. I want you to close your eyes. Now, this isn’t meditation (although it CAN be used for that purpose), but you could still find it relaxing. Don’t fall asleep! Instead, I want you to forget about your eyes and wake up all of your other senses.

Let’s do smells first. Some people find the smell of freshly cut grass to be pleasant. Some might say, beautiful. The scent of flowers can often be just as lovely as the flowers themselves. If you are sitting inside while someone is cooking, close your eyes and take a sniff of the air. Smells delicious, doesn’t it? Well, that’s just another word for beautiful.

What about sounds? With your eyes closed, listen to all of the sounds around you outside. Birds chirping, the wind blowing through the trees. What sounds do you find particularly relaxing and lovely? If you want to “cheat,” you could try listening to beautiful music with your eyes closed. There is so much beauty that we can hear without seeing.

And how about tastes? This one is easy. Ever close your eyes before you eat something mouth-wateringly delicious. It’s almost like the lack of sight makes it taste even better. And personally, I find that beautiful.

What About Things That No One Finds Beautiful?

Ok, this section is going to be a challenge for many people. If you read something that makes you super uncomfortable, then don’t worry, you can skip ahead.

There are things out there that many people find hideous or terrifying, but are actually just signs of nature. And if you can find beauty in them, even in small amounts, it can have a drastic impact on your positive mindset.

Find a picture of a snake online. Instantly, I suspect some reading this have just sat up a little straighter. Yes, snakes can be terrifying, but let’s try to see the beauty. Don’t pick a scary snake, pick a cute, little corn snake. Look at the delicate pattern of their scales. Look at the colors. Look at the texture. When you separate these things from the idea of “snake,” they can be quite beautiful.

I know this can be a challenge. If you don’t want to think about snakes, try to think about something else that you find unattractive. Then really analyze it, trying to find the beauty in it. It doesn’t need to be a TON of beauty, just a little shimmer.

So, how can all of this help you to thrive? Easy. It’s all about your mindset and positivity. When we close ourselves off to the beauty all around us, we are closing ourselves off to the possibility of positive emotions and feelings. We are less likely to see kindness, forgiveness, and generosity. But when we open ourselves up to beauty, all of these feelings become more available to us! That’s why I believe that it is important to see beauty everywhere!


We will be exploring this in more detail in the CoreBound program. If you’d like to learn more about it, I invite you to click here!

 

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The Power of Gratitude
Group Therapy Life Coaching Self Improvement Time To Thrive • • • • • By rlederman 0 Comments

The Power of Gratitude

Do you remember when you were very young and your grandmother would give you socks for the holidays?

Sure, socks sound like a fantastic present now, but to a three-year-old who wants toys? Not so much. Do you remember your parents telling you that you had to thank your grandmother profusely for her present? While you might not have realized it then, that single act of gratitude probably had a profound impact on your grandmother. Frankly, that thank you could have made her day, or even week. That’s the power of gratitude.

The Benefits of Gratitude

There are real physical and emotional benefits to regularly showing and feeling gratitude.

With gratitude can come greater levels of optimism and happiness, along with decreased levels of stress and anxiety. Knowing what we have in our lives and feeling grateful for those things can help build our self-esteem and even strengthen our ability to forgive others in our lives for incidents both old and new.

There have been actual scientific studies on this phenomenon, showing evidence that gratitude can help to heal the many negative emotions that we carry around with us all day long. Can you think of a better reason to cultivate a sense of gratitude than that?

Showing Gratitude to Others

The example above about your grandmother and the socks gets repeated in miniature every single day of our lives. From a genuine “thank you” to the grocery store clerk, to writing up a great reference to a colleague, there are so many ways that we can show gratitude, both big and small.

One of the biggest benefits of showing gratitude to others is that it allows us to improve our relationships. When we show that we are grateful for the people in our lives, they, in turn, become more grateful that we’re in theirs.

How do we do this? Easy. When you feel a sense of gratitude towards someone, don’t suppress that feeling out of embarrassment. Instead, express it to them. Trust me; it will make their day.

Showing Gratitude to Ourselves

Showing gratitude to others is easy when compared to showing gratitude to ourselves.

You know that little inner voice that channels your darkest, most negative thoughts? The one that whispers lies about you in your ear, damaging your self-image? That same little voice plays a huge part in an inability to show gratitude for the things in your life.

That little voice may tell you that what you already have isn’t enough. Or it might say that all of your blessings aren’t as good as you think they are. If we want to thrive in our lives, we need to learn to shut this little critic up!

I have found one of the best ways is to directly counter whatever that little voice says with the exact opposite. For example, if it says, “You’re not making enough money,” counter it by saying, “I’m making more than I did a few years ago.” If it says that “You don’t go to the gym enough,” counter it by saying, “Yes, but I go on long walks and do the best I can to stay fit right now in my life.”

Once we learn to silence that little voice, we can genuinely start to show gratitude for the wonderful blessings we have in our life!


Something that I am particularly grateful for is my tribe. This is a group of like-minded people who have banded together to support each other. The tribe that I’ve helped build in the CoreBound Program is a community that I am very proud to be a part of. If you join in the CoreBound program, you will have access to this group of supportive, wonderful women who will help you navigate the trials and tribulations of learning to thrive.

If you’d like to learn more about the CoreBound program, click here. I hope you will join us!

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Judgement vs Truth
Individual Therapy Self Improvement • • By rlederman 0 Comments

Judgement Vs. Truth

Do you want to know who your harshest judge is?

You.

No one in our lives is harsher on our choices, physical appearance, work ethic, morals, etc. than ourselves. Just think back to a time when you messed up somehow. I bet that an incident came to mind almost instantly. While everyone in that situation has probably forgiven you, forgotten about it, or put it behind them, you still feel a little burning shame about it. That’s your judge inside, still punishing you after all these years.

What’s worse is that, even though we are our harshest judge, we are also usually the WORST one to judge ourselves. We lack perspective and are full of emotions and conflicts that impact the way we see things. Often, we judge ourselves for what we THINK is true. But that doesn’t necessarily make it the truth.

So, what’s the difference between judgement and truth? Let’s take a look at some examples.

A Work Conversation

Let’s say that at 5 PM just before you leave work, your manager tells you that they want to see you first thing the next morning. You ask them what it’s about and they say that you’ll find out then.

Right away, your mind probably springs into action, coming up with scenario after scenario. That’s just innate human curiosity. Why do they want to see you? What for? Why so early?

Then, because we always tend to go for the worst case scenarios, your mind might start spinning a terrible story. What if they are going to fire you? Your brain casts back to a few weeks before when you messed up in an unimportant way. At the time, you didn’t think much of it, but what if that was the straw that broke the camel’s back?

As you lie in bed, your brain starts to solidify this theory, and you begin to judge yourself. You can’t believe that you even got this job in the first place. It was such a stupid mistake; you can’t believe you made it. You can’t fall asleep because your inner judge keeps you up, berating you and putting you down.

You go into the office the next morning, knowing with 100% certainty with you’re going to be fired. You walk into the manager’s office, they ask you to sit down… and then request your help putting together a surprise party for a coworker’s birthday.

So, what happened here? Your inner judge spun a worst case scenario out of almost no evidence, fully convincing you that you did something wrong and that your manager was going to fire you. The truth was that your manager wanted you to pick up Janice’s birthday cake. Between the 5 PM the previous day and now, your inner judge berated you and made you feel useless, all based on absolutely nothing.

While this kind of scenario might be a little exaggerated, I’m sure that you’ve experienced something similar in the past.

A Future In-Law?

Here is another example of how your inner judge can get in the way of the truth.

Let’s say that you are meeting your brother’s girlfriend for the first time. The three of you head out to dinner together so you can get to know her a bit better. During the conversation, she makes an off-handed comment about the earrings that you are wearing. There is something about the comment that rubs you the wrong way, but you put it aside and have a perfectly lovely dinner.

Later that night, her comment about your earrings comes back to you. You can’t believe she was that rude. And now that you think about it, there were lots of other things that she did that annoyed you — the way she picked up her fork, the way she occasionally chewed with her mouth open. Without meaning to, you start to judge her. She’s obviously a terrible match for your brother; he could do so much better. By the time you’re in bed, you have a picture in your head of his girlfriend that has almost no barring in reality.

The following week, your brother asks you out for another dinner with her. You dread it. You don’t want to tell your brother what you think of her; that’s she’s secretly a monster. You finally decide to go to the dinner, you sit down with them, and a half-hour into the meal you realize… she’s perfectly nice. Smart. Interesting. And totally into your brother.

Once again, your inner judge went to work, picking apart this woman with the flimsiest of evidence to support your judgement. One thoughtless comment was spun into a negative opinion about this woman. But then the next time you met her, you started to realize that your previous judgement was just flat out wrong.

What Can We Take Away from This?

Now, I am in no way telling you not to trust your gut here. That’s different. Trusting your gut is when your instincts kick in. No, what I am warning you about is something that actually gets in the way of your gut. Without even meaning to, you can create judgements that obscure the truth, leading to misunderstands or even feelings of depression.

How can you learn to tell the difference between judgement and truth? One way is through the Time to Thrive program. Here, you will get to work with a supportive tribe who can offer a sounding board. With their help and mine, you will be able to re-analyze many of your past judgements and possibly even reconsider if that judgement might not have been the truth.

This is not easy work, I’m not going to lie. But it’s the kind of work that needs to be done if you want to thrive! If you’d like to learn more about the CoreBound program, you can visit here! I can’t wait for you to join our tribe!

 

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What is Life Coaching
Individual Therapy Life Coaching Self Improvement • • • By rlederman 0 Comments

What Is Life Coaching?

Life Coaching is a collaborative process that can help change negative mindsets and limiting beliefs. Life Coaching helps you gain clarity in your purpose, become an effective leader, ignite passion in your relationships and spearheads you to pursue your dreams. While life coaching is related to traditional therapy, it’s extremely different. Therapy helps bring profound understanding of your inner world, life coaching focuses on creating a champion mindset that helps you break through limitations that hold you back so you can succeed at whatever you put your heart and soul into. Life coaching blends support with accountability, and cognitive reframing with owning your personal story, to create a whole new outlook on life.

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How Forgiveness Sets Us All Free
Individual Therapy Self Improvement • • • By rlederman 0 Comments

How Forgiveness Sets Us All Free

There is an ancient quote that I’ve always loved:

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Saint Augustine

Let me ask you a question: have you ever been deeply hurt by another person? Maybe it was someone who broke your heart, or a business partner who stabbed you in the back. When you think about this person, do you feel a tightness in your chest? Do you stand up straighter? Does your breathing become quicker? That’s the flight or fight response, once again kicking in when it isn’t useful!

As human beings, we are hardwired to remember when another party wrongs us. It’s a simple survival mechanism. Back when we were living in caves, it was important to remember if someone in your community stole your berries or “borrowed” your animal skin. Those things could be the difference between life or death. Today, the stakes are a little lower, but it’s still incredibly easy for us to form resentments over perceived or actual slights.

The problem is that it becomes incredibly easy to dwell on these slights, letting them poison our lives.

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